Application Letter 2nd Draft

For a summary of the job description, please look at the following link https://pg.taleo.net/careersection/10000/jobdetail.ftl

Application Letter:

5th February 2010

(Address Line 1)
(Address Line 2)
(Address Line 3)

The Procter & Gamble Company
238A Thomson Road, #21-01/10
Novena Square, Tower A
Singapore 307684

Dear Sir/Mdm

Application for Marketing Internship position at Proctor & Gamble

I am sending my resume to apply for the Marketing – Intern position at Proctor & Gamble. I learnt about this internship opportunity through the NUS career center. Through this internship, I hope that I can better understand the nature of marketing at the company while I am assessed as a prospective employee. I am eager to apply my knowledge and skills to meet the challenge of working at Proctor & Gamble.

Coming from an engineering background, I possess the analytical and problem-solving skills necessary to perform this role effectively. My one year stint at XXX, Inc. in the United States also necessitated that I learn quickly and independently to take sole charge of marketing operations. In addition to the steep learning curve, I also adapted quickly to the environment as I had to work closely with my colleagues in rolling out promotions and marketing campaigns.

My work experience at XXX, Inc. is the reason for my interest in marketing. I derive great satisfaction from executing marketing campaigns and subsequently analyzing the results for effectiveness. I then did independent reading and took a few business classes to enhance my marketing knowledge.

I hope to start my career in marketing in an established institution like Proctor & Gamble, which is the leading fast moving consumer goods firm. The internship program offered by the company would also allow me to gain first-hand experience with the work, people, values, and culture. I believe the real responsibilities given to interns, under the program, would allow me to showcase my abilities. At the same time, I hope to interact and learn from experienced marketers in the company.

My resume is attached for your consideration. It will provide a brief summary of my educational and working experiences. Should you require additional information, I will be most obliged to furnish it. You can contact me at (mobile no.) or at (email address). I look forward to an opportunity to contribute to your company.

Best Regards

Chang Jie Ren

6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Zhisheng on February 7, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    Dear Jie Ren,

    I’m afraid the job description link has been removed, so I’ll just provide some general feedback.

    I like your application letter as it is focused and concise. Each paragraph has a clear objective to convey a message. However, just a few minor language constructions to take note of: “I believe the real responsibilities…” In my humble opinion, may I suggest not using the word “real” as it is quite an odd word to use. I understand that you’re trying to say that the responsibilities involve productive and challenging tasks, so you might want to rephrase the sentence in a different way if you wish to bring out that point.

    Another one is “most obliged”. I would think that it is better to use willing instead. Obliged seems to be a rather stiff word to use, with a sense of rigidness. On the whole, I think that it is a well-written application letter although I think you can do more to sell your positive traits.

    Reply

  2. Dear Jie Ren

    I think this application letter is quite well done.

    There is a really good flow to it. You first talked about how you think you can do this job well by backing it up with the relevant experiences. Then you move on to explain why you are interested in this area of work and what more you did to improve yourself.

    But as Zhisheng had mentioned, I feel that this application letter can be improved if you can discuss a bit more of your other positive traits. Convince them that you have got all it takes, skills & personality wise, to excel it this job.

    Some errors that I feel you might want to take into consideration:

    “I then did independent reading and took a few business classes to enhance my marketing knowledge.” I thought this could be better phrased to ‘I did independent reading and also enrolled in several business classes to further enhance my knowledge in marketing.’

    “my career in marketing in an established institution like…” I feel this could be changed to “… my career in marketing with an establish institute such as…”

    -nicole

    Reply

  3. Posted by Glenn on February 8, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Dear Jie Ren

    I feel your application letter is well organized and concise. I am able to get the point that you are putting across through each distinct paragraph.

    In your second last paragraph, you wrote “I hope to start my career in marketing in an established institution like Proctor & Gamble, which is the leading fast moving consumer goods firm.” I feel it might not be necessary to put the last phrase “which is the leading fast moving consumer goods firm.” because i think they should already know it.

    As mentioned by Nicole, I think you could give more points as to why the company should hire you.

    I think you might be repeating yourself a little as you wrote what you hope to achieve in the first and second last paragraph. You might want to consider combining them.

    Just my five cents worth

    -glenn

    Reply

  4. Dear Jie Ren,

    You have wonderful use of action verbs in your cover letter – words like ‘necessitated’, ‘executed’, ‘enhanced’. This is an area I think all of us can learn from.

    I spotted three areas of possible improvement in your application letter. They are:

    1. I think your opening statement which is the first paragraph of your application letter can be a short and concise sentence just stating your objective of writing this letter. Your first paragraph is a little too wordy and details could be moved to other relevant paragraphs in your letter.

    2. I would think for a formal situation like that it would be more appropriate to use a complimentary close such as ‘Yours sincerely’ or ‘Yours faithfully’… ‘Best regards’ sounds a little too informal.

    3. In the second paragraph you wrote: “In addition to the steep learning curve, I also adapted quickly to the environment as I had to work closely with my colleagues in rolling out promotions and marketing campaigns.” This appears to me that you meant you adapted quickly to the steep learning curve as well as the environment. You might wish to phrase it in this manner: “On top of having acquired a steep learning curve, I also adapted quickly to the environment as I had to work closely with my colleagues in rolling out promotions and marketing campaigns.”

    Good luck!
    Thanks for the comment you left for me, Jieren!

    Reply

  5. Dear Jie Ren,

    I like your letter for its conciseness and focus. Most importantly, you have also managed to weave in a story about your experiences in the states which makes it easy to connect to. I have a few thoughts that could possibly help –

    1) ‘I am sending my resume’ could be better as ‘I am enclosing my application’

    2) ‘I then did independent reading and took a few business classes’ – Sounds very casual. Could be ‘read various marketing books by Gurus like… independently and took classes like…’

    3) ‘I hope to start…’. The entire paragraph could be cut short a bit and could be replaced by 2 sentences that show how you can add value to P&G.

    Hope this helps!
    Cheers
    Rohan

    Reply

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